Survive: Poetry from my Past

This is a non-rhyming poem that I wrote at age 19, while in a depressed stupor. I woke up after passing out with a pen in my hand to discover I’d written this. I was in the middle of a nervous break-down and I only remember writing the first few lines. My life was being chosen for me by my family. At this point in my life, I still felt very strongly about the teachings of the religious-right. This was written just weeks before I was outed to my parents and forced to leave home.

I was cleaning out some things in a closet and came back across this and thought I would share. I really did think this was a revelation to me at the time I wrote it because of how it was written. Perhaps it could still be true. Perhaps it could give someone else some hope. I certainly will try to find strength and hope from my own words.

SURVIVE

Waves beat against the shore

A seagull bleats overhead, soaring on the gusty wind

The sound of the great waves is that of a thousand souls

Souls gasping and crying, whispering and sighing

The sun dips below the horizon and ignites a blaze that knows no bounds

The clouds burst into flames and the sea is burning

Slowly, the fire fades and a new face smiles upon the sky

Like an elegant mistress in a silver evening gown, Luna glides across the heavens

Soon the graceful lady casts her sparkling jewels about

The stars glimmer in a glow of chill as the wind is cooled by darkness

A streak of gold falls into the waters and I find myself wishing

If a being could soar like the seagull and anger slip away as the sun below the horizon

If love could explode like the fiery light of a sunset

If peace could appear like the silvery moon and scatter hope as a thousand stars

If the heat of rage could be cooled as the breezes by the night

If the bounds of happiness were as expansive as the heavens

If the moans and sighs of the sea were jubilant laughter and song

If mankind could rise from distress as Jupiter climbs the sky

If the future were to glow as bright as the constellations on a clear night

But these are only wishes

To hurt and fear is to know life

To know life is to know sorrow and pain

What is the purpose of this melancholy existence?

Humankind will never uncover the answers to these thoughts

The mind cannot grasp the immense proportions of reality

As I sit thinking, a storm begins to churn

Life is like this storm

Hate and crime lash about like the mighty bolts of lightning

Loneliness whistles like the wind across the sands of great anguish and depression

Lives and souls fall like the rain streaming down

Denial billows like the dark clouds and covers the true beauty of the self and sky

The waves grow threatening and loud like the trials of time

I struggle to stay standing as I am battered by nature

Slowly the storm passes and the sky grows calm

Like a great stage curtain, the clouds roll away to reveal the still glittering stars

I now realize what the Creator has shown me

Like a ship lashed about in the mighty storm

The anchor keeps her steadfast and safe

Her sails are torn and decks awash but still she floats

Strength and diligence are the keys that unlock the door of survival in the world

Will I allow the tempest of life to carry me away?

I will stand firm and battle the raging seas

I will not allow myself to lose control and be overwhelmed

I WILL SURVIVE.

(written by me on 10/06/1999)

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~ by blueeyedcubtn on June 9, 2011.

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