Self-Therapy Questions: Why Aren’t Gay People Accepted By…Themselves?

I have had many comments to make about this particular topic lately. The question was sparked by an interview a friend of mine had in a local trendy newspaper about what it is like to be gay in Chattanooga, and whether the city seems to be accepting or not. You can read the entire article by clicking the link. The Pulse: Out and About in Chattanooga. This is a very tasteful article, well articulated by the writers and interviewees.

Gay Pride

As national gay pride (notice I do NOT capitalize the first letters of gay or pride) month gets underway, which spills into other months in different cities which are planning different events, I am faced with a few different questions. The first one is very easy to answer. “Will you be attending any pride events or parades?” A very fat, loud, echoing “NO.” Chattanooga does have its own pride organization, called Tennessee Valley Pride. I’m sure there will be some festivities planned. Possibly a parade down Market Street or Walnut Street downtown, possibly some sort of event planned at a local park designed to get this town’s gay people to come together and celebrate in some sort of unity. There is a word I have been avoiding. Have you noticed it yet? Usually the word gay is followed very closely by the word I have been avoiding: COMMUNITY. The terms ‘gay community’ are used over and over in the media. There is no such thing.

Most ‘communities’ in towns such as Chattanooga tend to stick together. They work together and stand up for one another based on their commonalities. There’s a ‘black community,’ a ‘hispanic community,’ a ‘business community,’ and even a ‘Christian community.’ Why is there no ‘gay community?’

To answer this question, I must speak from my past experiences. I did not join the ‘gay community’ out of my own free will. I was forced into it. I did not willingly ‘come out of the closet’ like so many people. Instead, I was outed by a supervisor. She called my parents when she knew I would not be home because of the new job I had taken, and told them that I was gay. I was confronted when I got home that night and was immediately told I must leave when I admitted the truth to them.

Now I was a free man who could openly explore his new-found freedom. I quickly learned that my parents’ control had sheltered me from what the real world was like. I was not prepared emotionally or mentally for what I was about to discover. I packed everything into my little red car and took myself to live with a group of ‘friends’ in Johnson City. They introduced me to a few people, and took me to a bar. I was dumbfounded by what I found there. I was so overwhelmed that I ended up sitting by myself, not speaking a word to anyone. I just watched. Indeed, this became my existence in the gay world for quite a while. I was a wallflower who was too shy to speak to anyone. This shyness was augmented by the rudeness I saw around me.

Twinks: Hairless and skinny. Hates: Fat hairy guys.

The gay people in this bar were all organized in little groups. These groups comprised of people who all spoke, looked and carried themselves the same way. These little groups made it their mission to wage war against each other. The skinny ‘twinks’ all hated the hairy, full-figured ‘bears.’ The ‘butch’ guys all hated the effeminate girly-boys. Everyone hated the queens, the queens hated everyone, and the queens all hated each other. It was like high school all over again.

Bears: Masculine, full figured and hairy. Hates: Skinny little hairless girly boys

Instead of the jocks and the cheerleaders against the band nerds and glee club, it was everyone against everyone. Why is this? The surest answer I can come up with is that gay people, gay men specifically, are the most judgmental and superficial people on the planet. The only thing they could see in another person across the room was how different that person was, and what a freak they were for being so. One example happened to me by complete accident. The club was very crowded and I was making my way to the patio from the bar with a drink for a friend. I accidentally bumped into someone, as happens in crowded buildings. I said “Pardon me, I’m sorry.” This person turned around to me, looked me up and down, and proceeded to berate me. He said “You’d better be sorry, faggot. Who said some ugly troll like you could talk to me, let alone touch me? Do it again and I’ll have my friends beat your ugly ass until you can’t see anymore.” I was simply apologizing for bumping into him. Did he really have to go there? Talk about a blow to the self-esteem!

Drag Queens: artistic and bitchy. Hates: EVERYONE (except the people that tip them during shows.)

How many straight people understand the reasoning behind the gay culture adopting the rainbow as our symbol? The rainbow is supposed to stand for the diversity of humanity. It takes all colors and types to come together into a beautiful picture. This is one of the most hypocritical symbols of gay people. The superficiality of the gay culture is our biggest downfall. Gay men are snobs. They hate people different from them just for the sake of hating someone. We cannot band together and fight the bigots of the straight and religious world if we cannot accept each other and our differences within our peers. The battles are already lost for equality unless we learn to set aside differences and actually join together as that elusive ‘gay community.’ There is more hate between different types of gay people than what the bigots have out there for all of us. Snobbery, superficiality, and just plain rudeness…it’s all got to stop. As I have said many times here lately, when I look at people in general, I don’t see what makes them different from me, I see how we are all the same. Gay men in general are the most superficial people on the planet. If we can’t let go of that, we won’t come together in unity. Let’s all remember what the rainbow and CELEBRATE DIVERSITY is supposed to really be about…

The rainbow is a symbol of "celebrating diversity" and acceptance of all. Hypocrites.

Now about all of those rainbow flags…

When pride month rolls around and large cities plan their events, usually there are parades that can be marched in, drag shows to watch out in public, and a host of any other very creative events all geared toward celebrating being gay. To me, it’s just another excuse to throw a party and rub our differences in everyone’s faces. I am looking for an answer to a very simple question. Since the biggest problem the straight/Christian community has with homosexuals is what they do in private in their bedrooms, does it make sense to flaunt this in the open for all to see? People, put your clothes on. We are celebrating ourselves being out gay folk. We are not celebrating the kind of sex we like to have. There is more to being gay than what we do with our genitals!

What message does this send?

What kind of message does it send to a closed-minded Christian mother when her child who is attracted by all of the bright colors of a pride parade now witnesses groups of men on top of a float dressed in jock straps and leather harnesses, pretending to have sex with one another for all to see? Do we really need our dykes on bikes to be topless? Why must we flaunt every extreme at these very public events? These are the things that get under the skin of the very people we are trying to convince. Will they accept us as simply ‘different people’ with the right to be different when the only aspect of our sexuality we seem to embrace is the SEX? I say no. Instead, they speak out louder. They protest the public debauchery as we throw things at them. They practice their right to freedom of speech while we scream at them. We call them ‘breeders’ and ‘haters.’

What message does THIS convey?

Will the ‘gay community’ ever become a real community? Can we stop hating for hate’s sake? I don’t believe it will happen in my lifetime because of the stereotypes and deeply seated hate that most gay people (men specifically) have for themselves, other gay men who are different, and the straight/religious communities that ostracized us and tried to make us feel guilty for being true to ourselves instead of living a lie. We have to let go of the hate. Hate breeds more hate, and turns into the vicious cycle that we have before us today. Wake up! Put your clothes back on, stop hating each other and GROW TOGETHER! Work together! FIGHT TOGETHER for an equal world! Celebrate diversity in all of its forms.

Here is another blog I came across that states a very similar case. Read it here:

SERIOUSLY?!?!? Let’s piss off the people who are helping to draft laws that silence us…The Sexy Gay Jesus Contest. SERIOUSLY!?

~ by blueeyedcubtn on June 5, 2011.

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